Encouragement for Dealing with Household Enemies: 12 Spiritual Keys
Jesus said in Matthew 10:36 NKJV, “… and a man’s enemies will be those of his own household.”
Here are recent headlines from national news reports:
- Daughter Shoots Mom
- Husband is Suspect in Wife and Children’s Disappearance
- Boyfriend Attacks Pregnant Girlfriend
- Father Arrested for Abusing His Two-Year Old Child
- Siblings Attack Father
- Son Vows Never to Speak to Parents Again
- Family Fights Over Inheritance
- Girlfriend Doused with Gas by Lover
- Children Left Alone in Home While Mom on Cruise
- Girlfriend Plots Death of Boyfriend’s Wife
- 8 Year Old Drives Family Car to Shopping Mall
- Son Threatens Family Due to Video Game Taken Away
- Daughter Locks Herself in Room Forcing Parents to Remove the Door
- Family Fights at Funeral
These are just a few of the stories noticed in national news that highlight the forces that are working within and against households today. Many more disturbingly similar events are likely taking place but are never reported in the news. Household conflict, trauma, and enemies have seemingly emerged within families with increasing intensity and with no respect to the age, economic status, cultural background, geographical location or religious beliefs of those in the household. Household issues, in some instances, can no longer be contained within households. Household enemies can be destructive and deadly.
Household as mentioned in this article refers to a group of individuals who are biologically related and who either live together or interact closely with each other in daily life. It also refers to individuals who choose to or who are forced to live together and interact closely, but who are not biologically related. A household can be individuals who, regardless of kinship or choice to live together, are temporarily housed together for some purpose. Almost any group of people who share the same living environment or who have regular close contact in a living environment could be considered a household. Whatever the case, the household forms a basic and important unit of society. Living within a household is not without challenges and news headlines are not the only proof of this.
There are biblical examples of conflict, adversaries, and trauma within households. Cain slew his brother Abel. Joseph dealt with sibling rivalry and jealousy from his brothers who later staged his death. The twin brothers, Esau and Jacob, had conflict. Aaron and Miriam criticized Moses. David experienced conflict with his brothers and with his children. Saul pursued David with intent to kill him. Amnon abused Tamar. Nabal created issues for Abigail. Samson pursued romantic relationships with various women despite the disapproval of his parents. Even Jesus’ own brothers did not believe in Him. And the family conflict continues today – today’s households are still warring with enemies. The enemies though are not always visible and the warfare is not always able to be concealed. What takes place in the household definitely does not always stay in the household. What occurs in a household can affect what occurs in schools, churches, workplaces, and everywhere people in a household go outside of their home. Remember that God’s Word, in 2 Timothy 3:1-5 NKJV, warns us about the intensifying surge of human and family issues to occur before the return of Jesus Christ:
But know this, that in the last days perilous times will come: For men will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, unloving, unforgiving, slanderers, without self-control, brutal, despisers of good, traitors, headstrong, haughty, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having a form of godliness but denying its power. And from such people turn away!
Perilous times are here and troubles are manifesting throughout society and this includes homes. Family trauma has intensified and has emphasized a desperate need for help and intervention from the church and from community organizations. Some of the trauma can be only dealt with effectively through God’s wisdom, power, and divine intervention – help is desperately needed from above for households. Some incidents of family trauma and conflict have even baffled professional family support experts. In dealing with family conflict or household enemies, the humans in the situation must not only be the target of intervention – the spiritual forces behind the conflict must also be dealt with. Caution, care, concern, and wisdom must surely be exercised in dealing with household conflict or household enemies. It is important for you to remember that every negative action that occurs in your household does not necessarily require a reaction from you.
What do you do, then, with that rebellious teenager who does not want to respect you or the rules in your home but who is still legally under your care?
How do you deal with the child in your family who repeatedly lies and steals from you or others?
What can you do about the adult in your household who makes false accusations about you to others in the community?
How do you manage with a spouse who is an alcoholic and who regularly belittles you or curses you in front of others?
What are you supposed to do when your spouse gives you the silent treatment at home and refuses to talk to you for weeks at a time – or when they lock you out of the bedroom and force you to sleep on the couch?
When, after years of marriage, your spouse openly tells you, “I do not love you anymore and I do not want you,” what are you to do?
When your husband’s girlfriend calls you on the phone at your home or comes to your home and asks to speak to him, how do you respond to her and keep yourself from losing it?
How do you remain calm while watching your husband take the meal that you just cooked for him and throw in the garbage out of disgust for you?
When your teenager refuses to attend school as required by law, what are you supposed to do?
What do you do when you have to summon police authorities to come to your home to intervene when family members are fighting – and the police tell you that they refuse to come because you have called them too many times before for similar issues?
What do you do when children or relatives in your household report you to authorities for being negligent or abusive when you committed no wrong?
These are hard questions. These are not news headlines or fictious scenarios. These are real situations that we have experienced firsthand in real life. These represent real-life examples of the kind of stress and conflict that can be brought on by adversarial and hostile forces inside of homes and families.
So – what do you do in situations like these? What do you do when the challenges continue to repeat themselves in your household? Do you call on pastors or clergy leaders, close friends, or professionals to help you manage them? What if pastors and clergy leaders, friends, or professionals have limited ability to offer repeated crisis support – or what if they are unavailable to help – what do you do then? What do you do when you do not know what to do?
Households should be places of comfort, care, love, unity, help, rest, peace and joy. The real enemies that are responsible for much of the drama and trauma occurring in homes often do not possess any human features at all. Combatting them requires more than natural human strategies. Therefore, retaliation is not an option. We must use the weapons given to us by God and that carry God’s might. We must also make sure that our weapons are readily available. Here are 12 spiritual keys to help you deal with whatever enemies may be operating in your household – or trying to do so.
- Do good to enemies and do not retaliate. Continue to love them unconditionally. For some, you may need to establish boundaries and love them from a distance.
- Remember that you can live above the trauma and the drama – connect with God and tap into His presence. Keep your spirit strong. Praise and worship. Learn to sing songs of deliverance.
- Forgive and let go of any bitterness or resentment towards the person.
- Pray, pray, and pray for them and for yourself. Seek out prayer group involvement and tap into the power of corporate prayer where others can agree with you concerning the divine intervention that you need.
- Use the Word of God. Study it. Meditate on it. Say it. Pray it. Believe it. Align your thinking to it. Let it be more real to you than whatever the facts may be concerning your situation.
- Fellowship with other believers; communicate and spend time with them frequently to find strength.
- Accept the fact that you will need to ignore some things. You do not need to react to everything that adversaries say or do.
- Use silence as a weapon. Refuse to engage in foolish discussions with household adversaries.
- Ask the Holy Spirit to guide you to organizations, agencies, or individuals who can help you. Contact crisis hotlines if you need to.
- Take care of you. Smile and laugh often. Know your self-worth.
- Consider whether or not you need to become less available or less accessible to adversaries in your household.
- Know when an exit from the situation is needed. Sometimes, and in dire situations, an exit may be the way out. A holy exit is more than an out though, it is a life beyond anything that household enemies can provide you.
The suggestions mentioned here may be used in conjunction with the support and guidance that you receive from others. If you are feeling overwhelmed with your situation, find an escape route. Never be afraid to go or to let go if you have to. Changing your mind or changing your approach to the situation can also be an effective weapon. You must allow yourself to be led by God as you manage the situation. Proverbs 3:5-6 NKJV is a reminder for you to do three important things: trust Him with all your heart, not lean on your own, and to acknowledge Him in every thing that you do. Doing these things will result in God providing direction for you.
When you don’t know what to do, you can be still and seek divine help. Some battles are not for you to fight without the right weapons. Whether you choose to fight or whether you choose flight, you must without hesitation remain calm. It reduces stress, promotes a pleasant atmosphere, aids in decision-making and critical thinking, helps you avoid speaking unpleasant or harmful words, can prevent or reduce symptoms of depression and anxiety, and be a teachable, powerful, transforming , and lasting influence for the one in your household who seems to behave as an enemy towards you.